Monday, April 30, 2012

Let's Make It a True Daily Double

Sorry, I've been away. Not away physically, but mentally. This blog was intended to be a place for positive thoughts, and I'm nowhere near positive right now. In fact, I need a passport to even get back from where I've been, I'm so far away from positive.

But you know what? That's OK. Life is not always positive. Life is hard, anyone that tells you differently isn't doing it right. The fact that life is hard is what makes it so rewarding when you get it right.

Quick update on me: I injured my back a few weeks ago. The pain got worse and worse, until it was almost intolerable and causing my blood pressure to rise. Tried oral steroids, didn't work. Finally an MRI showed a herniated disc with disc material floating in the vertebral sac. This caused inflammation and the resulting pressure caused severe sciatica. This is pain that radiates down the back of the hip and thigh. In my case, sitting triggers the pain. Do you know how often you sit? Driving, working at a computer, eating at the table...a lot of things involve sitting, and I can't do any of them. Driving is the worst. I have two busy teenagers and I can't pick them up or drop them off. I've really had to rely on my family to help me. They have been wonderful and I am so thankful to them.

Oh yeah, and two days after the intense sciatica started, I got bit by a spider and had a major reaction. At one point the inflamed bite area was about 8 inches across and hurt as bad if not worse than the sciatica. So, yeah, staying positive has been a struggle. My husband will tell you that cranky is sometimes a polite way to put my mood.

But, thankfully, the spider bite is completely healed and after a round of epidural steroid injections my sciatica seems to be improving. I can sit in a chair for five minutes instead of two minutes before the burning, ripping, tearing pain starts. Baby steps, but positive steps none the least.

What I have had is a lot of time to think. I have come to the following conclusions:

  1. I am extremely lucky. I have a support system around me that can step in when I am incapacitated.
  2. Being sick or injured is very lonely, even when you are surrounded by people.
  3. Get Well cards or simply a phone call or text, mean a lot. Take the time to contact someone that is sick or injured. It may seem like a small thing to you, but it means the world to them.
  4. I am a game show addict. GSN (game show network) is like crack, and my day revolves around making sure I catch Jeopardy at 4:00.

That is about it. Not feeling very creative or pithy today, but I did want to check in just to let y'all know I am still here. Hang in there, and if you get a spare minute, send a little healing energy my way. I really appreciate it.

Pass the pain pills,

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot.  ~Dutch Proverb, sometimes attributed to William C. Hazlitt

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Play Ball!

I was fixing to watch a baseball game downstairs, and this conversation took place:

Son#1: How are you feeling Mom?
Me: I'm good.
Son#1: Are you going to watch baseball down here?
Me: That was my plan.
Son#1: Looks like your back still hurts, Mom. Why don't you go upstairs and lay down. You can watch the game upstairs.

Oh, such concern and care for their mother...NOT! They just wanted the TV so they could watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, maybe a Myth Busters thrown in.

So, I've been sent to my room by my children.

Works for me,

There are three things in my life which I really love:  God, my family, and baseball.  The only problem - once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit.  ~Al Gallagher, 1971

The Big Pause Button of Life

Apparently the Universe decided that it was time to hit my Pause button. I'm a busy mom, I rarely take time to take care of myself, I take too much on at one time, I am usually running on caffeine and sugar...not this week.

I am down for the count. After 4 weeks of off and on back pain, I finally went to the doctor on Monday. I should have gone sooner, but usually my back hurts and 3 to 4 days later it's fine. Not this time. Something is definitely wrong. I can't sit up at all. That means I can't work at a desk or drive. All I can do is lay flat or stand.

Unfortunately, my family's life isn't on Pause, it seems like it's on Fast Forward. Son #1 has UIL Band Competition and Sight Reading tomorrow. Son #2 is currently in 2 plays AND tried out for the talent show. One or both of them need to be at school early or stay after school almost every day.

From time to time I complain about all the running around I have to do. It's exhausting sometimes. But, after 4 days of complete rest, I can honestly say, I'd rather be out and about picking up kids and running errands, than flat on my back doing nothing.

I hate asking for help. I'd much rather do something myself than ask someone else to do it. Well, I've also been enrolled into a crash course of Asking Friends and Family For Help 101. It's hard. I know people want to help, and they don't mind doing things for me, but I'm just not good at asking for it.

Also, I don't know how long this is going to last. The current medications don't seem to be working. What if I can't drive or work for an extended period of time? What then? So frustrating...

Ok...deep breath...I have a great doctor. He will figure this out. I have wonderful, generous friends and family that will step up and pick up or drop off kids for me. I have a loving, patient husband who has done everything he can to make this week easier for me. It will all work out and at the end of this, I will have learned some new skills and put my life and schedule in perspective.

I just have to let go of control and let others help. My job right now is figuring out how to get better and take care of myself. If anyone has any extra healing prayers or positive energy, please send some this way.


If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?  ~Milton Berle

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Go Get 'Em Kiddo! Part 1

Just yesterday, I swear son #2 looked like this. My sweet, creative, moody wild child. This morning, he looked like this:

Today he is headed to UIL Choir Contest and Sight Reading. Good Luck, sweet boy!

I took this picture this morning because he seems to grow and change overnight. I don't think I'm imagining it either, because this weekend he outgrew ALL of his  jeans and I had to break into the hand me down stash from son #1 so he would have something to wear.

As I drove him to school this morning, I felt bitter sweet. I'm so proud of the young man he is becoming, but I miss the little boy he was. About half way to school, fighting back the tears, I looked over at him and he was curled up in the front seat (all 6 feet of him) sleeping, getting all wrinkled, but who cares. It's moments like that when the little boy shines through. Those moments are getting very rare, so I treasure them and pack them away in my heart to hold onto.

I may not have won the Mega Millions lottery this week, but I absolutely won the Universal lottery 14 years ago when I was given this beautiful soul to care for. I am the luckiest woman ever and I am truly grateful for everyday I have with him.

Sing pretty, sweet boy!

Son, you outgrew my lap, but never my heart.  ~Author Unknown

Monday, April 2, 2012

Happiness Seed Packet

Lately it has been tough to stay positive. Over the last 3 weeks I have noticed that my thoughts, words, and actions have slowly become more negative. I won't bore you will all the details, but it started with the whole house getting sick, then prolonged back pain, and culminated in the Great Air Conditioner Repair War.

Plus...we didn't win the 1/2 billion dollars in Mega Millions. Oh well.

This was really starting to concern me. I don't want to go all negative again, been there, done that, bought the T shirt. But today I read this, by Rhonda Byrnes:
Do not worry at all about negative thoughts, and do not try to control them. All you have to do is begin to think good thoughts each day. Plant as many good thoughts as you can in each day. As you begin to think good thoughts you will attract more and more good thoughts, and eventually the good thoughts will wipe out the negative thoughts altogether.
Ahhh...I can do that. After I read this, I started thinking of a "good thought seed packet." I picture my existing life being sprinkled with good thought seeds. They start on the surface and then slowly start to sink in. Soon the good thoughts will thrive and multiply.

Happiness Seed Packet

I already feel lighter and have a smile on my face.

Have a great day,

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.  - Audrey Hepburn