Loving and Letting Go

I love these kids. These boys bring out the best and worst in me. They bring out motherly love and also annoy the crap out of me sometimes. They bring out the mama bear protective instincts and then sometimes I wish I had ate them when they were young like lions do. They challenge my creativity with school projects and they also suck the energy out of me with constant bickering like toddlers rather than teenagers. Some nights I'm inspired to create healthy tasty dinners for them and sometimes I yell at them when they ask me what's for dinner and tell them to just cook a frozen pizza. Yin and Yang, Peace and Strife, Sane and Crazy.

Then there are times when I have to let them spread their wings and go live their lives without me and I'm scared to death. In the above picture, they had gone on a cross country RV trip with their grandparents for 2 weeks and then flew home by themselves for the very first time. My husband had to take this picture, because I was a puddle of crying goo on the floor, recovering from the fear of them being gone and the joy of them returning.

Next week my older son is going on a trip to Branson, MO with his high school band. It is a 14 hour bus ride and he will be in a hotel room with 3 other boys for 4 nights. Part of me (the crazy, mama bear part) doesn't want him to go, I want him by my side forever and always so I know he is safe. The other part of me (sane, very rarely seen part) is so excited that he gets to take trips like this and spend time with his friends. Then...sigh...a tornado hit Branson last night. Crap! I wasn't even worried about weather related problems, UNTIL NOW!

Letting them go live their own lives is so very hard. I know I have raised them right and they have the skills to take care of themselves (unless they have to open a package of frozen waffles...long story). But it's so hard. I've loved, protected and sheltered them for so many years, it feels unnatural to let them go. I know growing up is hard for them, but it's hard on me, too.

Oh yeah, and someone please find a way to erase from my mind the fact that I'm putting my younger son on a plane to Washington, DC in June.

Help!

Jen

Little children, headache; big children, heartache.  ~Italian Proverb